Incognito in Saint Louis

This sums up my feelings on VD completely...

2008-02-10T17:42:00.001-08:00

The great thing about privelege.......

2007-12-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

is that you can have it, but never have to acknowledge that you actually have it:

http://seamonkey.ed.asu.edu/~mcisaac/emc598ge/Unpacking.html

http://colours.mahost.org/org/maleprivilege.html

The City has a plan..........................

2007-04-08T11:50:00.000-07:00

I was a litle perturbed by the upcoming 40 shutdown. The city has a major plan to alleviate some of the burden. I honestly feel less stressed about this now.

Happy Sunday

2007-03-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

Thank you, MSN, for allowing an idiot to illustrate my point...............

2007-03-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

Please refer to my previous post. Note the part where I said starting any sentence with, "I'm not racist, BUT........." followed by a diatribe of filth doesn't remove the hate in your words?

When reading a message board concerning the arrest of Foxy Brown (I don't know why I had to know what she did, but it turns out she beat up some dude while she was gluing in her hair extensions in a beauty supply bathroom. Her celeb status has really dropped.) this is one of the comments I saw:

"What about the black hooker with 10 different DNA's in her and when she lied and cried foul, There was an immediate investigation, lawsuit, Jesse Jackson and the other preacher all screaming for justice and nothing said when, no apologies given to the white team members after it was all said to be a lie....don't tell me blacks get treated any different than anyone else...maybe if the pulled up their pants, got a education, did something to change the neighborhoods they live in, get rid of the gold and platinum teeth and stop slurring their words, get off of the band wagon with the 24" rims and living like a star, take responsibility for the children they create, stop screaming for government assistance, get over slavery...no one in generation X knows anything about being a slave, Maybe things will be better for everyone!
With that rant, don't think of me as a racist...just tired of hearing how the black man is unfairly treated.

By the way, did i mention that there are more scholarships and financing available to the black man than the white man and even easier to obtain, wheres my justice?

Try being a white man trying to get into a predominately black university and denied because of my skin color...racism happens everywhere in the world.

Where's the NAACP or NAAWP for me?"

New Urban

2007-03-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

A post over at Brick City jumpstarted my drive to post something about this topic because the residents of suburban St. Louis, are for, the most part the most racist idiots I think I have ever run into. Specifically, those people living in St. Charles. And before people dispute me on this shit; don't. I lived there for 18 years. Don't try to explain to me that you aren't racist, even though you only live by your kind, work with your kind, and have friends that are your kind.

Here are some of the examples to illustrate my point:

New Urban:
We're going to take all of the perks of the city and move them out to good old St. Charles. That's right; we're going to build coffee shops, and martini bars, and even a convention center. All the fun without the crime, minorities, or poor.

No public transit here:
St. Charles refuses to participate on Public Transit. Refuses. However, they have tried to get onto the board to make decisions; despite the fact that the county doesn't pay for Metro and doesn't want it in its area. The reason: fear. I have heard on more than one occasion, that people from East St. Louis would ride metro over to St. Charles and rob people. I swear to God I have. One person told me that they don't ride Metro because it is dangerous His proof: someone called him ugly on the train and they were obviously looking for a fight. People have also blaimed the Metrolink for the fights at the Galleria and an altercation at the Brentwood station. I have also heard this stuck up bitch co-worker of mine say that you would never catch her on a bus. I wanted to throw up.

I guess people couldn't have rode the busses that have been going through that area for years to commit crimes. Seriously. How is public transportation dangerous? Or is it that you will have to be AROUND people who you innately believe are dangerous. I think I know the answer.......

The bottom line: I defy someone to find violent crimes associated with metro.

Go West Young Man: Urban Sprawl. People moving further and further west to "safe" areas. Safe areas like Troy, MO; where one of the largest KKK organizations in Missouri is still active. Safe indeed.

I've heard several people say something about moving west to get away from the ni##ers. Followed by some ridiculous race filled rant that trails off because I'm walking away.

Apparently, crossing the bridge altogether is unsafe to them. According to at least one person I know of in O'Fallon, Maryland Heights is Ni**erville.

These people start sentences of racism by saying, "I'm not racist but............"
Does anybody understand how those four words wipe out any racist bullshit that follow them because I never have.

I could go on and on and on.

Here's my point: you wanna know why the city of St. Louis is dying? Teamwork.

Yeah, that's right: Teamwork! The city itself may have some problems; don't get me wrong. The operations within the city aren't perfect. However, looked at the inability for some people in this area to be able to work together as a team to get planning done. Listen to the casual hate in the voices of the westward residents and you'll find a major problem. Everybody knows it and no one wants to say it, but if the city were Dave Chappelle, it would say, "Oh Lord, this racism is killing me inside."

Revenge of the GERD

2007-01-23T16:54:00.000-08:00

So, last night, I couldn't sleep. I enjoyed a particularly spicy homemade Mexican meal. I'm thirty. I drink and smoke occasionally. I'm overweight. And now, apparently, as a result of my complete lack of taking care of my body, GERD has come to punish me. GERD is suck. I just met GERD today and I hates him. He is punishing me for that which I enjoy. Why, GERD, Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Ahem, in order to alleviate and possibly eliminate the GERD I must:

-Lose weight (I'm okay with this. It is what I have to do to get it that pisses me off)
-Stop eating acidic foods, fried foods, and caffeine (So, I can have steamed cabbage juice. Now I'm pissed)
-No smoking
-Less drinking
-Exercise
-Watch my stress

Basically, I cannot eat delicious foods and I'm not allowed to use my current maladaptive coping mechanisms to combat my love of cheese.

Why must you torment me, evil GERD? I'll keep you updated on the GERD scourge................

The Motherfucking Marsha Brady Club

2007-01-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've been trying to get more involved in volunteer organizations in the city. Here is the problem: all of the meet and greets are at BARS. I confess; I do partake of a drink or two when I feel the need. However, I want to learn about your organization. I want to do it in a professional manner. Please, have a least one meeting without debauchery; else I think you're a joke.

Also, don't insult me or anyone else when you put in your mission statement that you are about "diversity", and then you entire "cabinet" looks like this freaking Marsha Brady Club. I was highly disappointed and it pretty much reaffirmed my thinking that you put in diversity to appear "hip" and "pc". It was a freaking young, blonde, skinny girl's club. I don't want that!!! I work in a diverse environment. I live in a diverse environment.

So, with that being said, I plan on working with an organization in St. Louis that ACTUALLY is diverse, not one that makes themselves feel better by stating it in their mission statement. Talk is cheap. Actions is where it is at. Hell, you don't even have activities in diverse areas. You are having your meeting at a sports type bar on Morganford? Get the smelling salts, I'm going down from shock.

Someone call Jerry Springer

2007-01-07T16:19:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is up with these two:

Rosie - What in the hell were you thinking? I like your stand up AND I sorta liked your daytime show. A little too super nice for my taste, but it was okay. Lately though, I must say, the self importance meter: WAY WAY up. TOO up. First of all, you commented on a beauty pageant for God's sake. An effing beauty pageant. Why? Who in the hell cares besides the pageant people. *On a slightly different note, why in the hell are beauty pageants still around? This is 2007, right? Why are women still being judged for a competition based on how they fill out a swimming suit?* I digress. The minute you make a personal attack on someone, you cannot be surprised or insulted. You made a character assessment, now, not surprisingly, he's going to pick at your personal appearance. Please, stop acting like white trash and end this ridiculous media bullshit. I'm sick of hearing it as part of my morning "news".

Donald - I don't like you. I never have. I have never watched "The Apprenctice." Almost no matter what Rosie says, I will like her more. You cheated on your wife. I hate that shit. You are attacking Rosie's personal appearance. Your head looks like a soft serve ice cream cone. If you weren't wealthy, there is no way you would have landed Catwoman. Please shut up and go away.

Remember this. Money doesn't buy class.

Am I growing up or being a self righteous asshole?

2006-12-13T18:10:00.000-08:00

I had to tell someone today that I have been friends with for less than a year that I couldn't be his friend anymore. That is the first time I have ever actually done that to another person.

What happened?

I'll tell you. One of my married friends cheated on her husband with him.

I know, there will be debate on this. "It was their business and not mine", or "Why are you friends with either one of them?", etc.

Well, I've known her almost my whole life. Right now, we are on shaky ground, but we are friends. Sorta. I'm still sorting this out.

He. Well, I tried with him. I couldn't do it.

After four months of being in the middle between her, him, and her soon to be ex-husband, I was exhausted. I have encouraged him towards healthy AVAILABLE women. He wants none of that. He wants to take the easy route with my married friend.

I've lost all respect for either of them, really. I want to try with her because we have history.

Him, well, he's a snake with changeable morals. Our friendship would never be the same.

People are often surprised with how open I am that I despise adultery.

I am open when it comes to honesty. Cheating is about nothin' but selfishness, deceit, and manipulation. I hate that shit. You entered into an agreement to be faithful to someone. You be faithful or leave. I am not and have never been married, yet I have never cheated on any of my partners.

I myself am often surprised at how many married people don't seem to adhere to that same belief system when it comes to adultery.

I hope that I don't sound like a self righteous asshole, but I couldn't live with myself if I went along with something I thought was wrong.

Skirting parental responsibilities

2006-12-04T19:17:00.000-08:00

I've been gone forever. No one reads this. Oh well.

I've had two experiences in the last week that have tested my patience in regards to parenting. Firstly, I went to a FPSE community meeting in which some woman *whom I've never seen before and I go every meeting* claimed to be speaking on behalf of the neighborhood. This woman criticized the FPSE Safety Meeting because it was not offering up suggestions for bettering the lives of teens in the community. She felt that the point of the meeting was to punish teenagers by having a "bait" car in the neighborhood to catch those thieves that have been stealing cars.

Sigh............

I was a social worker for a few years. I liked the kids; I hated the parents. Would you like to know why? I'll tell you anyway. After the parents had drank, or did drugs, or preferred to fuck someone instead of paying attention to their kid, or abused/neglected their child in some fashion for fourteen years of the kid's life and the kid finally acted up because of the shitty parenting, it was the kid's fault. I needed to wave my magic social worker wand and fix the kid. There, of course, was to be no discussion of the parental example that was being set. How could little Johnny or Suzie be doing drugs, (even though I, their parent, do drugs and don't plan on quitting)?

Sigh....................................

This meeting was the same shit. Do I think that children need things to do? Yes. How about attending school? How does that sound? Does that sound like a good start? Good. Well, how about being involved with positive friends and in positive after school activities (deal drugs/doing drugs is not a positive after school activity)? You like that? Good. Oh, I almost forgot...........how about having at least one positive parental figure that gives a shit about that kid by praising them, supporting them, taking care of their necessities, AND SUPERVISING THEM?

No, that's silly. Instead let's focus all of our energy by complaining about the fact that there is no social programs (This is laughable. There are plenty) such as the community center being open(This being open was a good thing. I also hear that after the drug dealers had their lunch break, they went back to drug dealing after the community center closed.)

So, should the poor mothers and fathers who only have one car and are doing their best to work, provide, and be good parents for their children be punished because someone else didn't do their job as a parent and now their car is stolen?

How many people who don't have a propensity to steal do you think are going to try to steal that bait car? My guess is zero.

How many kids are going to social programs because they want to? Most. The programs are there. You can't MAKE youth attend. I'm sorry to say it. I wish it weren't true. How is one hour a day or week going to fix a fourteen year old's life when they still have to go home to their crappy home environment?

That is one of the reasons I will never go back to social work. I could work forever and ever with the kids, but most parents don't want to hear how the job that they are doing sux. The parents, my friend, are key.

Finally, an elderly woman (Isn't that who usually does it?) yelled that it starts at home with parenting. Amen.

The second incident almost popped my top.

A "friend" of mine mentioned that he had told another "friend" that she should not move into an apartment complex as they are the worse places to raise children.

HUH?

This "friend" lives in the suburban bliss of St. Charles. In his experience, he has noticed that there were alot more unsupervised children.

So, other people's lack of parenting would force you to not supervise your children?

People in suburbia ALWAYS supervise their children?

Someone explain to me how the structure in which one lives dictates the molding of the child.

It couldn't be that most people who live in apartments are probably one parent families and that it is hard to supervise your child alone. Or that people in apartments have left their spouse and the change has affected the kids through change and instability. It couldn't be that impoverished people suffer more when alcoholism or drug addiction takes over their lives and their children are neglected.

Of course, he meant lower income apartments because suburban people are so blinded that they only think of lower income apartments when they say apartments.

I bet all those kids in NYC are out of control with that apartment living.

I'm never going to have children now. I'm so afraid that the idiots with children will be around my child and sabotage everything.

Bump in the Night

2006-08-21T18:40:00.000-07:00

As I settled in for a Sunday night sleep around 11:30, I heard a giant crash outside
my apartment. As I was in an accident about a month ago, I was fearful that someone had hit the rental car. I was not prepared
for what I saw when I peered through the shades. Across the street, in the neighboring apartment's front yard was a minivan. I'll repeat. In the yard. Minivan. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I started yelling, "Call the police! Call the police!" as I watched children, all the age of maybe, MAYBE 14, fleeing from the vehicle. Suddenly, at 11:30 at night, there were 15 to 20 kids between the ages of 10 and at most, 15, out in the middle of the street arguing over who had been involved in the theft. There were other adults out there as well and they were telling the adults
that they had not been involved in the accident.

I was on the horn to the police telling them about the accident, the description
of the only suspect that I saw, while my boyfriend ran outside to see what in the
hell had just happened. Once done with the 9-1-1 call, I ran back into the bedroom, got dressed, and ran outside. I gave the police my name and phone number in case there were any questions.

We sat and waited. waited. waited. AND waited. It took the St. Louis City police over 15 minutes to get there AFTER I was seated on my front porch. Enough time to give all of those children plenty of time to saunter, and I do mean, saunter home. There were even children still lurking around when the police were there after midnight and nothing was said. They were never questioned. They were never asked why there were outside after midnight.

Some punks stole a woman's van, ran it into a yard, somehow missing a tree, two poles, and a car, and the police couldn't make it there in enough time to question a single kid that was standing around out there. They avoided hurting themselves and anyone else, Thank God.

I was appalled at the police and the fact that I saw 10 year old outside wandering the streets with zero adult supervision at midnight. When I questioned my neighborhood liaison today about the curfew I was told that it is 11 o'clock on the weekdays and midnight on the weekends. MIDNIGHT! A ten year old can legally roam the streets until midnight. WHY? I worry not only that the child has nothing better to do than get into shit, but also that there are more than enough freaks out there just waiting to get their paws on a ten year old child. I don't know which was more embarassing; a jr high school kid stealing a van or the police response.

The Macaca Bull Fakakta and General Observations on Race Relations

2006-08-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

Okay folks. George Allen. Who hasn't heard about this ass?
I must admit, I know very little of Virginia. So, when I heard about Mr. Allen's
use of the term "macaca" to describe an American of Indian descent, who happened to work for Mr. Allens' opponent and he was the only person of color at
the rally, I knew what was up. I mean, c'mon people. He said he confused the
term "macaca" with "mohawk". HUH? I mean, he might be an old cornpone, or is
at least pretending to be, but NO ONE and I mean, NO ONE is that stupid. He
knew exactly what he was saying. His tone and presentation to Sidarth ("Macaca"), welcoming him to the "real Virginia" was basically and underlying jab, indicating that true Virginians don't like his "kind".

I've already read several posts that say that the man was not making a racial remark because he was saying it right to the guy's face while he was filming it and who would be that dumb? That's the thing: I think that George Allen thought he was being slick and not saying something totally overt, so he could get away with it and I think that to his crowd of all white constituents, after making a speech about immigration, he was trying to point out how his opponent employees non-whites. Hence, they should vote for good ole George Allen, their white buddy. While his racist remarks were frowned on nationally, I
doubt that they were locally. Heck, I would assume those remarks would put Mr. Allen in the lead with people who attend his rallies, including those who
currently support Confederate History Month.

Several times this week I've heard the term Islamo-fascism and actually heard people saying that they believed that the majority of Muslims want Americans dead and are rooting for Hezbollah to annihilate us. How can they know? People are make entire assumptions about a religion based on the loudest people. Should we now assume all Christians are like Fred Phelps?

As a city dweller, I have talked to and seen my fair share of people frown upon my city living and say such stupid shit as, "I would live in the city, but I have kids", whatever the fuck that means. I've talked to people and grown up around people who are literally afraid to cross the bridge into St. Louis. People who believe that all violence happens constantly in the city, that gangs are rampant, and that blacks are to blame for all the problems in the city. St. Louis for all your greatness, why are your residents so stupid? I can no longer tolerate the intolerance. I can no longer deal with people who lump behaviors according to race. I CANNOT. I've grown very tired of this place. Mostly, I guess I've grown tired of idiots, such as those people in St. Charles County who are preventing mass transportation from going where they live because they actually think blacks will ride the train from the city and come rob them. I can't do it anymore.

I DO love living here. I am so grateful for all of the diverse people that I know. However, these pockets of people, even ones that I have known forever, I can no longer deal with.

Please someone offer me a nugget of hope in this mess. I am so ready for some fresh, new perspectives on this, as I am feeling most disheartened on this topic as of late......................

I'm back

2006-07-31T20:02:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone actually reads my stuff, but I've been away............I'm back!

Saturday, June 17th

2006-06-14T19:04:00.000-07:00

There is a bone marrow drive on Saturday, June 17th for a 16 year old boy with leukemia named Brian. He desperately needs a transplant and has a rare tissue type. AFRICAN AMERICANS are strongly encouraged to go to the donation, as Brian is African American and the chances of finding a match within one's own ethnic group is much higher. However, I would encourage anyone who can to go. Please donate, as it will only take about 15 minutes. The test is a cotton swab in the mouth. That's it. You could save someone's life.

Saturday, June 17th
1:00 to 4:30 p.m.
University City Public Library
6701 Delmar Blvd
University City, MO 63130
www.ucpl.lib.mo.us
or click here for more details.

Suburban Dream

2006-05-15T17:49:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I went to my mother's house. She lives in St. Charles with my stepdad. We sat around and talked and then we went out to eat.

This is probably the point in my blog when I should mention that I am currently living with a man that is not the same race as me. We have been together for a few years and have been living together for almost two. I mention it only because it is relevant to my story.

The city provides a safer haven then suburbia does for interracial couples. I have grown accustomed to this bubble that provides a less judgemental environment for my relationship. I forget sometimes how judgemental "suburban bliss" can be.

We went to the restaurant and this man, who wasn't but a few years older than myself, kept staring and staring and staring. I mean, I thought I was just being defensive at first, but g.d. that dude could have won a staring contest. I tried not to let it rile me up. This isn't the first time we've been stared at or heard people mumble things or just witnessed people being judgemental assholes about my life, which doesn't concern them. I digress.

So, Mr. Lids of Steel watched us the entire time. I should have predicted it. I should have known it was going to happen. If I could only remember to prepare myself, then I would never be upset by such ridiculous bigotry.

Every time, I'm disappointed by how stunted people still are. You would think that in 2006, there would be less people with their head in their ass. I cannot figure out why people hate others, why people fear what is "different". I don't think I'll ever know.

P.S. St. Charles is a teeming sesspool of urban garbage sprawl.

May Fool's Day

2006-05-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

I read on two blogs today about Mother's Day. I started to panic. It can't be Mother's Day. I read the calendar three times last week to make sure and yet, I panicked. Especially since I read this blogs AFTER I had talked to my mother today and I had failed to say Happy Mother's Day, if indeed it is Mother's Day.

Well, guess what? I checked the calendar and its not Mother's Day, which all of you know.

I knew I knew, but damn, that freaked me the fuck out!!!!

I suppose it mostly frightened me because I have finally come to that point in my life where I actually can get along with my mother, for the most part. She gets on my nerves terribly when I say something and she says, "You remind me so much of me." Dear God, woman, what are you trying to do to me? Your anxiety gets to me and now you tell me that I am like you? Please. don't. ever. do. that. Ever.

Its her way of connecting with me, but it honestly frightens me. My mother was not the most stable of mothers. She was controlling, demanding, self righteous, and depressed. We were alone together and were at each other's throats from the age of 12 until well, the last couple of years or so. Two strong, stubborn women = freakin fireworks, high drama, self righteous speeches, etc etc etc. Basically, a bunch of bullshit that is somehow easier than letting go of that little thing called pride.

Well, we figured out that being a self righteous bitch can sure be lonely and damned hard. God forbid we ask for help, even when we so desperately need it. When we're dying a little inside because we aren't getting it.

I learned how to be a stubborn bitch from THE original stubborn bitch. I still am stubborn, but I have tried really hard to not be as hard as her. She is more controlling than I will ever be. My mom would go out of her way to save a penny and I try really damn hard not to be that way. Now, I try NOT to spend like a drunken sailor or anything, but every once in a while, I indulge and it feels good to allow yourself to be spoiled. I should spoil myself with MY money, I earned it. That just reminded me of my mom *shivers down spines*. I also buy lavish gifts for people that I love. My mom would never do that, but I caught her buying a few lavish things for people since I told her that she can't take her money with her. I think she realized it was okay to loosen the reigns on the dough.

I wouldn't have wanted to miss Mother's Day and half ass like I had in the past when I didn't really appreciate my mother as I should have. I was too hurt by our past to let it go. Letting go is hard, but I realized that holding onto to all that pain never let me go past it. I finally had to let go or I would never have a mother. It doesn't hurt that my mother figured out that medication might not be so bad for some of her personal problems.

I love my mom now and our relationship hasn't been this good since I was in the single digits. My stepmom, well...................let's leave that for another day.

Insane Wedding Update

2006-05-04T19:16:00.000-07:00

So, this wedding that I'm in is a little less than four months away. I've finally conferred with the Maid of Honor and we have both the bridal shower and bachelorette party ironed out. Whew!

Just when I was high off the fumes of my burning my proscrastination and actually planning something for this wedding, I get an e-mail stating that our HAIR appointments have been made for the wedding date. The wedding is four months away and the hair appointments are made. Four months. Four. FOUR!

At this point, I have to wonder what her time is consisting of if she is planning our hair appointments 4 months in advance.

What makes me the angriest is myself. The reason that I say that is why can't I just fucking get over it and be happy for her already? What in the hell is preventing me from just biting the bullet, sucking it up, and at least feigning interest in this wedding???

I'm not personally all that rah rah on marriage or weddings, but normally, I can at least be a bit excited (I've been in roughly 8 million weddings) and this will probably be the last for awhile (that would include my own) that I will be in, if I'm ever in another wedding at all. You think I would be nostalgic about all that tafeta. Nothing. I'm a freaking robot in this whole matter.

I think part of it is I can't let go of the fact that I think that the entire thing is a lie. Here fiancee is an ass and she has a daughter that will be subjected to this example that living with an asshole is how it should be. It pisses me off because her mother did the same thing and we grew up together and she hated that shit and I thought she knew better. She's wrapped her entire life course into this worthless, selfish, bitter jackass. I think she deserves better.

I think the other part is that she used to be a fun, interesting person to talk to and now its all wedding, baby. I can't get into it. I've tried my whole life and I just don't give a shit about all that stuff.

I better just let it go and realize we are all here to live our lives in our own fashion so that I can release this rebellion that I have in my gullet for this affair.

Carlos Mencia: Grand Pupa of the Elks Lodge

2006-05-03T19:44:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I saw the stand up of Carlos Mencia and thought it was pretty humorous.
I've seen a few episodes of The Mind of Mencia. His humor doesn't translate to a show on Comedy Central.

The jokes are essentially all racist. I think I've been around the most racist old white people who say "wetback" and "beaner" less than this guy and he's Hispanic! I know he thinks that he is taking the stigma away when he says that shit, but he's not. Basically, his entire show is based on jokes from the Elk's Lodge in 1963. Every ridiculous stereotype, he plays up. He sat there and said that the only reason that Mexicans were in the country illegally was because the blacks no longer are willing to do those jobs. He told a black man that blacks are lazy to the man's face and the man fucking laughed! He fucking laughed! How is that funny?

I miss Dave Chappelle. He was a true comic genious with purpose. They decide to replace their comedy token with a lighter token. Comedy Central keeps touting Mencia as "edgy", when he does little more than take stereotypes and pass it as "shocking" because it comes out of the mouth of a token. How fucking insulting to all of us.

Forest Park Southeast Safety Meeting: Part 2

2006-04-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight was another Safety Meeting for the Forest Park Southeast neighborhood (my neighborhood).

Anyhoo, less people this evening, but some of the same colorful characters last time. There have been thirty two arrests this past month. Guess how many of those arrests were residents? 8. That's right. Only 25% of the arrests were from actual residents of this area. So, guess what? People are coming here to commit crimes! Yippee. I guarantee almost none of the drug arrests are residents.

To all the people who are coming to my neighborhood to buy your fucking drugs, or those of you who come here to sell drugs, I suggest we go to your street corners and set up shop and start selling drugs on your street corners. Oh, you don't like that shit? Well then stop buying fucking drugs in my neighborhood!!!!!!!!!!! There is a supply because you assholes come here to buy it. If I see your ass buying drugs on Tower Grove, Arco, Oakland or anyplace else, I WILL write your license plate down and I will call 911, and I will call 241-COPS to report your ass. If you live here and sell drugs, I will call 911 and turn your ass in. I don't care. I have a right to a nice neighborhood. I see alot of improvements for this neighborhood and you just aren't factoring into the equation. You are apparently commiting 75% of the crimes and I'm going to do my part to end it.

"No Snitches"="Code of Silence"

2006-04-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

In 2004 police officer Andrew Spengler, was having a housewarming party. Several off duty officers were there, drinking. Frank Jude Jr., a black male and stripper, came to the party with his stripping bodyguard, also a black male, and two white women. Apparently, at some point after arriving at the party, Jude figured out that this wasn't his scene after hearing racial comments. As the four started to leave, Spengler stated that his badge was missing. Immediately, a melee descended upon Jude. He was beaten, severly. A dozen men dragged him out of his car, beat him in the head, stuck pens in his ears, stripped him, and threatened him with a knife, all while yelling racial slurs at him. They beat him while blood gushed out. One of the women tried to call 911 and one of the officers twisted her arm and took the phone from her and said "Hang up the phone".

10 units arrived and detained the officers. It was described that Jude looked like a "bomb had gone off in his face". Here are the injuries that Jude sustained:

He suffered a concussion, a broken nose and fractured sinus cavity, cuts in both ears, cuts and swelling to his left eye, neck, head, face, legs and back, and a severely sprained left hand, his attorney said. His left eye was swollen shut and continued to bleed for 10 days.

Jude said he will need surgery to breathe through his nose again, may have permanent disability in one hand and suffers diminished vision. He said he has nightmares and panics when he sees police near his home in the Fox Valley area or when he visits extended family in Milwaukee.

The car was also vadalized severly, seats torn, radio destroyed, headlight busted out, and antifreeze poured into the back seat.

The wallet was never found.

Jude had difficulty identifying the officers, but there were several witnesses, including officers who were called to the scene. Many of the officers at the party would not give their account of what happened or denied what happened. The city fired most of the officers who attended the party.

Three men were formally charged and a trial ensued. There were several witnesses, including Jude himself, the two women, some partygoers, and two of the officers who saw Jude being attacked at the party gave testimony stating that the saw the officers engaging in the beating.

An all white jury acquitted all three men of any charges on Saturday.

Look at this picture:

This jury heard testimony of several people stating that the officers did it, but they didn't give a shit because he's biracial and he showed up to a party with white women. I am continually disgusted by people. How can these people live with themselves? I hope that this picture haunts them in their nightmares.

To add insult to injury, Andrew Spengler is petitioning to get his job back. He and the other officers have been getting PAID the entire time that this has been happening. If he petitions to get his job and can keep it, the city will be paying for all of his appeals, and will have to provide him with an attorney if Jude brings a civil suit against Milwaukee.

Milwaukee has launched a major anti-"Stop Snitching" or "No Snitches" program to encourage people to not feel intimidated into testifying against lawbreakers because witness testimony is key in stopping felonies. How can they police department even be taken seriously by the city of Milwaukee when the police department itself has a "No Snitches" program called "The Code of Silence"?

Who hasn't?

2006-04-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

Unbelievable Cocksucker

2006-04-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I was reading Angry Black Bitch (seriously, check it out) and guess what I had reaffirmed to me yet AGAIN. Rush Limbaugh is a GIANT COCKSUCKER!

What has a thumb and is a cocksucker? THIS GUY!
As if it wasn't bad enough that he called Chelsea Clinton the White House Dog (A grown man called a teenage girl a dog. Nice character.) He apparently has now called the woman who has accused the Duke Lacrosse team (Update: No DNA matches thus far) a "ho". Immediately, she's a "ho" who deserves what happens to her. I don't know that anyone raped her and apparently they haven't found DNA evidence matching anyone as of yet. However, the classic disgusting victim blaming? I guess I shouldn't be surprised by this lying, piece of shit. P.S. Your ass should be in jail.

Suburban White People Decoded

2006-04-01T19:12:00.000-08:00

"Bad" neighborhood: Any neighborhood where the population is not predominantly WHITE

"Wrong" neighborhood: see bad neighborhood

"Sketchy" neighborhood: see bad neighborhood

"I would live in the city, but the public schools are so terrible and we can't afford private schooling": The public school system is not predominantly white and the city is not predominantly white. My beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired daughter might meet a black man and have children with him. What would my friends think?

"You are the only white person who lives in your neighborhood.": There are more than two black people in your ward and living in an area that is not predominantly white is something to be ashamed of because I would be ashamed. What would my friends think?

Forest Park Southeast

2006-03-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, I went to a Community Safety Meeting for my neighborhood, Forest Park Southeast.

Several different topics were addressed, including appropriate 9-1-1 calls, resident questions, and community development.

While I believe that several resident made valid points about this up and coming neighborhood, I was dismayed with a young gentlemen who had the nerve to complain about the price of the "fancy chicken wings" and how that money can be used for youth programs. They weren't $10, 000 chicken wings, dude. The hypocrite was the first one at the buffet table when the meeting was adjourned. A community group cannot help youth without the aid of concerned parents.

The next meeting is in April. I'll update then. If you have the opportunity, check out the neighborhood, as many changes are always happening.

E=mcdragonlady

2006-03-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

Check this out:
http://www.hetemeel.com/einstein/93392.jpg

Get your own here:
http://www.hetemeel.com/einsteinform.php

I had the funk

2006-03-11T17:57:00.000-08:00

Since last Saturday, I have had THE worse illness/sinus bullshit. I'm finally a little bit better today. Better enough to go to the park and commence working out without passing out due to my nasal passages being blocked.

I'm going on week four of a Mexican standoff with my co-worker who stated that if a project comes to be an issue that he and another co-worker could blame me, even though HE was the one who pretended to know what he was doing, only to fuck something up. Once caught with his pants down, he blamed my other co-worker, who confronted him, and that is when he told her that they could conspire together. She promptly told me what he said. Fucking weasel. I, against my own nature, told the boss and she brought it to his attention that blaming others isn't an acceptable problem solving skill. I would love to have seen his face when she said that. I'm sure he was shitting bricks for getting caught. He left me a card two days ago on my desk with two kittens cuddling saying he was sorry. He's only sorry for getting caught and because I ignore him and it makes him feel uncomfortable. He's not truly sorry for what he did. I laughed because: a) it happened weeks ago and he's just NOW apologizing and b) he gave me a fucking kitten card instead of just apologizing to my face and c) I don't give a fuck what he does now, I don't trust him anymore and our working relationship is ruined. His fault. Period.

Under Pressure

2006-02-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

These past few weeks have been very stressful at my job. There are so many projects in addition to my everyday responsibilities. I've been wanting to pop!

However, under the pressure, I was able to finish up a couple of things that were due tomorrow. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. In fact, I giggled for the last two hours of my day because I was so giddy with relief. Ahh. I love when the pressure is over and I can finally just sit back and be glad its all over.

I'm so glad I get to celebrate this friday by going and seeing the Gentlemen Callers at Radio Cherokee:
http://www.radiocherokee.net/

Then, Saturday, I'm hanging out with my best girlfriends for my chosen sister of 20 years for her 30th birthday at the Bailey's Chocolate Bar:
http://www.baileyschocolatebar.com/

Seeing as I've never been to either of these places, I'll be more than happy to give a review of each. The city has so many little interesting places. Even though I live here, I always find it possible to go to another locale to keep it fresh and interesting.

My daddy gave me a name and he walked away..........

2006-02-22T20:08:00.000-08:00

I have a real ass for a father. I'm sure I'm not alone here. Hell, there are even people out there who have never met or who don't know who their father is. I guess I am fortunate in comparision.

I say he is true ass because he is. He has not exactly been a five star father. He cheated on my mom and they divorced. He left with the woman in question. She treated me like an annoyance for my entire childhood. He ignored it. I was starving for attention. He ignored it. He's Switzerland. I suppose its easiest for him.

I am the most beloved and best treated of his children. He has two children from the marriage before my mother. I saw them quite a bit as a child. My brother and sister moved as teenagers to Texas. I've seen my brother one time since he was 13 years old. He'll be 35 this October. I've seen my sister twice since then and she'll be 40 this July. They both have children that I've never held or kissed or played with. I have nieces and nephews who don't know me. Its all that jackass' fault.

Their mother died a few years ago of cancer. They are orphans and yet, he still tries to maintain his stupid pride. I hate him for that. He and his wife send me stupid cards that say, "Call us sometime." Why in the fuck can't you call me or them, for that matter? I am so angry because he always has to do what is easiest. Why does he always do what is easiest??

My dad named my brother and he named me as well. Then, he walked away.

Your wedding has turned your brain into mush

2006-02-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

My best friend is getting married in August. She was engaged in either December or January. I can't stand to be around her anymore. Why??????????????? Her brain has turned to mush since she became engaged. The wedding has consumed her. I am happy that she's happy. I hate her asshole fiancee, but if she loves him, more power to her. Here is the problem: anytime that you ask her how she is doing, she gives you an update on the wedding shit. I'm happy you are getting married.................are you still a person? I mean, JC, what the fuck? You were a person in a relationship and now you're a fucking wedding spokesperson. Get on the phone to Modern Bride. I think they have an opening.

Honestly. Here is the thing: all this for ONE day. ONE fucking day. Then what?

Dear Co-worker

2006-02-16T19:30:00.000-08:00

You are a jackass. Utterly and completely. You think you should be the senior in our department because you have been there the longest. Its bullshit. You do not communicate, you are insecure, self serving, disorganized and finger point as if your life depended on it. The fact that you think that you deserve a title without any responsibility is ridiculous. You are pompous, arrogant, and worst of all, ignorant. There is nothing worse that a moronic blowhard. The worst part is that other departments actually think that you are the backbone of our department. If that's true, then we're spineless.

You also think that any time that something is going on that it is necessary for you to pound your chest and be King Kong. Remember, he was killed in the end. No one needs you to save them. Sit down and concentrate on your own pile of work because you are wasting a tremendous amount of time trying to make sure that I am doing my job right, when you fuck up all the time. Eyes on your own work, Junior.

When a fellow co-worker complains to you about your behavior, they are not being "pissy", "bitchy", nor are they on a "high horse". That kind of talk is disrespectful and dismissive.

I know all of this ranting is pointless because you are so ineffectual that you will be in the same job long after everyone else has moved on.

Suburban Fear

2006-02-09T20:26:00.000-08:00

I live in the city of Saint Louis. Not a suburb. Not on the edge of the city. I live in the city. People fear the city. Terribly. I doubt that people who live near Chicago fear that city. However, for some reason, people fear the city of Saint Louis, and they have been fleeing the city in droves for years.

The perception is a crime filled, cracked out dark sinister place with shootings, stabbings, muggings, sex crimes, and just general, all around filth. I think that the media portrays it as such, but then, when I watch the news here, I see sex crimes, theft, kidnapping, etc. happening in other areas of the metropolitan area. So, WTF? Why is there so much fear? Well, to put it simply, white people fear black people. No matter how good the people are, they fear them. The perception is that all blacks are "thugs", criminals, or dirty, low down people in general. Now, there are plenty of thugs, criminals, and dirty, low down areas that are all white here, but whites don't fear those areas. People supposedly "fled" the city because of crime, yet white people don't leave white areas when crimes occurs. So, process of elimination, fear of blacks. I also believe that white people fear their children attending school with blacks and potentially dating or marrying a black person. How awful and what would their friends think.

Even some of my friends have admitted, after me pressing them, that they only want to live by their own. Why is that? What is the fear? Or better yet, if Asians moved in, would they move? No, because the perception is that Asians don't bring the "horrible" things that blacks bring. I live in a very diverse area and crimes have not occured to me.

The city is growing and people are slowly coming back to the city, but there will forever be those people who fear the big, bad, "black" city.

He's finally trying to do something legal..........

2006-02-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

I used to have a roommate. Well, I used to live with a roomate. I decided to move out from her house about a year and a half ago. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. She wanted to move her prison boyfriend in. Yes, that's right people. Someone who had spent the majority of his twenties in prison for robbing churches, only to be paroled, accused of armed robbery, and sent back to prison was being let out. Into her home. Where he could hang his rebel flag in the living room (no joke). She visited him often at the prison and he called often to the house. She told me she was in love. I thought she was insane.

You see, they didn't start dating until he went back to prison. She had been a thrill seeker since I had known her at age 12. The thought of marrying at ex-con would surely be a thrill AND a slap in the face to her rich, overbearing father. Its kind of pathetic to try to rebel against your father when you are 27, but some people never grow up. She was washing his Pantera and Motley Crue t-shirts for him one day AND keeping his 80s furniture at her house until he could get out. The one time that I met him while he was on parole, he tried to "peer pressure" me into drinking with them. I was 27! Who in the hell is worried about people thinking they are "cool" at 27? People who missed the developmental stage of their life called "the 20s" and still wanted to go to keggers.

Anyway, apparently, their relationship has been going swimmingly. Despite the fact that he can't keep a job and has wrecked two of HER cars. He proposed. She accepted. I have to see this low class wedding.

How it all began

2006-02-05T19:37:00.000-08:00

I already have a blog with two other people. Then, why, you ask, are you wasting our precious cyberspace with yet ANOTHER blog. Sit down and listen and I will tell you why...........

I'm a 29 year old UNMARRIED female. Not only am I unmarried, I really have no desire to get married. I see those around me getting married. AND I mean everyone. I don't dislike the institution of marriage, I dislike what it seems to do to some people's brains. The problem is, most of the people I know are married. Scratch that. Nearly every damned person I know is married. I cannot relate sometimes to their lives. I have nothing against their lives, I just see a larger and larger chasm in the friendships that I previously had with people. Its disheartening.

I've also really started to get enlightened regarding the place for women, especially in American society. I've started to notice some of the ways that women are subjegated and even the way that we do it to ourselves. By truly standing up for what I believe is right, I run the risk of alienating life long friends that I truly do love. Even if I think that their fiancee is an ASSHOLE!

My femininity is not a drawback, but a strength. I am angered by society's constant attack and sexualization of women at all times. I wish it to end. We are sexual creatures, all of us, but not just that. I'm not dead above the neck.

When it comes right down to it, I'm just a woman, trying to struggle and make it in this society. I am trying to get the respect I deserve while still being true to myself.